Monday, December 21, 2009

Mel 'n' Collie

“It is one of the paradoxes of American literature that our writers are forever looking back with love and nostalgia at lives they couldn't wait to leave.”

~Anatole Broyard

Its a little bit frightening to admit, but I feel a little nostalgic about school today.

Its Monday before Christmas, and I have a lot of work to do. The lab is completely empty except for me. Its a double-sized lab, with two full labs connected into one big giant lab (by graduate school standards), which means it feels two-times as empty right now.

Graduate school hasn't been, most of the time, the greatest experience for me. However, being here alone, now, it is a little sad to me. The quote I chose for this blog entry I believe sums up my own experience and feelings perfectly.

I remember joining the prestigious Unadkat Lab. I remember it was packed with people to the point that there was no room for me to have a desk in the lab. When there finally was (another year later) I crammed into a nook and watched the machine whirring around me. It was impressive to say the least.

The lab is still prestigious, but now it stands mostly empty. I am getting ready to graduate. The people I knew over the years have either left for faculty positions or graduated. The science machine that we call Unadkat Industry is now little more than a messy storage space.

It is noisy with silence.

And as bad as things have been, I miss the buzz of activity, the pressure to work because everyone else is working, the lab meetings with standing room only.

This too shall pass.


Steve Moss said...

I was awed to have been able to visit your lab that day awhile back, Aaron. And while I may not know much of what your life has been like there, at school, I can acutely understand the emotion you are feeling. Yes, that too will pass, but, when you think about it, it's a pretty damned exquisite emotion to be able to feel, and put words to so eloquently, as you have.

Aaron said...

Thanks, man.